Issue #10: Smooth answers, smoother skin

Hey there,

Welcome to Ask a Fuckboy’s newsletter where we’ll 1.) announce ticket drops and 2.) spotlight the craziest texts and stories from our live show or greater community.

Ticket Drop:

• March 28th - 🏄 LA [our first LA show!!!] - SOME LEFT

• April 19th - 🗽 NYC - JUST DROPPED

• May 2nd -🗽 NYC - JUST DROPPED

• June 6th -🗽 NYC - JUST DROPPED

Recent Show/Popup/Community Highlights:

1. Smooth by Carlos Santana

What a show! What a night! We partnered with Geologie and we woke up the next morning dewy and glowing. And not in the normal overheated sweaty way (more of a Val thing, less of an Andie thing).

Last Friday was awesome - one of our best shows yet. We had an amazing time playing skincare-centric games with our fuckboys and hearing unhinged dating tales from our presenters.

✨ Highlights included:
✔️ Goodie bags for all audience members (sorry for most likely causing chaos in the Acme coatcheck later that night)
✔️ Our panel getting grilled on whether they actually wash their faces (spoiler: not as often as they should).
✔️ A new game that Geologie called “Bringing Sexy Backs Back” that we’ll definitely be bringing (sexy)back!

What brand should we partner with next? Ghost protein (cause ghosting)? Lush Bath Bombs (cause love bombing)? Con Edison (cause…gaslighting)?

Con Ed presents: Ask a Fuckboy has a great ring to it.

2. Life Updates

Q. Andie, how’s dating going for you?

A. I did a really fun dinner party at our apartment where everyone made slides for 5 eligible friends and we played puppeteermatchmaker. I was so excited to see how many potential matches came out of the night! I have some very cool and eligible friends 🥲 and I never underestimate the power of powerpoint.

Also, fun easter egg for anyone truly tracking every detail of our dating lives—remember that guy I found out was also dating my friend at the same time? And he lovebombed then ghosted both of us on freakishly similar timelines? Then we presented our stories at Ask a Fuckboy and revealed at the end it was the same guy? Yeah, his neighbor was at the party. He came up totally randomly, but then when his name was said the party exploded. We were like…yeah we know that guy.

Anyway his neighbor called him a literal love addict—validating everything my friend and I thought. Tiny world! If no matches come out of the party, at least I walked away feeling extra sure about that bullet dodging!

Q. Val, how about you?

A. People have very strong feelings about dating tactics/strategies to find a potential partner. Some people are very into the apps, some people are into run clubs. I tend to be open-minded, like I’ll try anything once (actually scratch that—there is a zero percent chance you’ll catch me on Raya. No thank you, DJs of NYC).

I did try out an app that has a matchmaking service as part of its operations. I got on the call with the matchmaker and talked with her about what I was looking for for about 15 minutes. I was a little weirded out when she asked me my salary, but then it all became clear when she quoted me the service’s price:

Four. Thousand. Dollars.

Four grand. For one (1) human man. And no refund policy if he ends up being emotionally unavailable. $4K to be set up with, of all things, a man.

I was like, “Is there like a Costco membership included in that?” and they quickly ended the call.

Also, in theory if I paid this fee, they’d probably prioritize setting me up with someone else who paid that much, and yeah, I know where my husband isn’t and it’s in that group. This service has achieved something truly remarkable: curating a dating pool exclusively of people who make poor money decisions.

Ah well, back to chasing men (and not at run club!)

We’ll keep you guys in the loop, thanks for reading!

Oh, and send us your gossip/stories so we can feature them in our next newsletter/show.

Love, your favorite Down Baddies,

Andie and Val <3