Issue #3: New Year, New Location, Same Old Hoeing

Hey there,

Welcome to Ask a Fuckboy’s newsletter where we’ll let you know 1.) when tickets drop for our next show and 2.) spotlight the craziest texts/moments/stories from our shows or that came from our community!

Ticket Drop:

• February 13th show - SOLD OUT

• February 15th show - HALF LEFT

• March 7th show - Just dropped!

Recent Show/Popup/Life Highlights:

1. About Last Night

Okay first of all, you guys are absolutely feral, God bless ya. Last Thursday night we had a record 120 people, selling out Caveat for our debut show there.

Caveat, you were incredible. You are true allies to the hoe-alition.

Every comic did amazing, but we were especially glad to welcome writer/comedian/genius Shaun Menchel to the stage—the show’s first insight into how the gay community experiences fuckboys (they’re everywhere!) Shaun absolutely killed it with his tale of “Straight Travis,” a fuckboy who insisted he was straight the entire time they were together.

In what might have been the biggest laugh of the night, Shaun collected screenshots of all the times this very, very straight man initiated a hookup, concluding that straight men “love chilling”:

Thank you to all our presenters, and to our incredible panel of bonafide fuckboys. You were a delight.

Stay tuned to our socials for clips, pics, and more!

2. Life Updates

Q. Andie, how’s dating going for you?

A. A couple months ago, I was talking to a very cute guy and then I cheekily mentioned my birthday was coming up. I asked him if he was gonna wish me happy birthday which prompted him to get my number and put my birthday in his calendar. So, after that any time I talked to a good looking guy I’d pull out the birthday card.

Here’s some of my favorite texts that I got:

“yooooo Andrea I had your birthday in my calendar. Happy birthday!! Hope it was merry”

“Hey I have no idea who this is but I’m supposed to text this number and say happy birthday so happy birthday!”

And of course: “hbd”

I might start making it “my birthday” every month lmao

Q. Val, how about you?

A. Two months ago my mom went to a wedding and met a boy who, not knowing what he was getting into, sat next to her at breakfast. Rookie mistake. That man is not leaving without twelve new jam recipes and the phone number of at least one but up to three of her daughters (one of whom is married but, hey, you never know).

I didn’t know much about this guy going into the date: just his first name, where he worked, and that he lived in Queens. I’m a big fan of the true blind date setup, where you let fate take the wheel instead of trying to scrounge the internet for details that I don’t care about anyway (Ooo he had an internship at PepsiCo and has been on at least one hike? He’s my dream man!)

The one thing I maybe should have been a little more insistent with my mom about was knowing exactly what she said to this man about me. She claimed she didn’t remember—it was all just a blur of jam and pimping her daughters out! I’m positive that if she did show him a photo of me, it probably would have been from prom, so that’s probably questionable on his end if he said yes to going out with a seventeen year old.

But the guy and I met up, and he seemed as surprised as I was that we were both quite normal and not my mom in a wig or something. I asked him what he knew about me, he mentioned stand-up and not prom, which was good. Off to an okay start!

Then he said something about my “best-selling book.”

Mom. What???

Turns out my mom riffed a little at that breakfast by casually dropping that I’m a best-selling author. To be clear, I am barely a “selling author.”

I corrected him and thankfully my lack of a best-selling authorship did not impact his desire to be there. He did seem a little confused about the strangeness of this particular catfish, and I think that’s fair of him. Look, he’s the one who chose that breakfast table, not me.

Moral of the story: be prepared accepting setups from parents, guys. They may claim you have a Pulitzer or something.

We’ll keep you guys in the loop, thanks for reading!

Oh, and send us your gossip/stories so we can feature them in our next newsletter/show.

Love, your favorite Down Baddies,

Andie and Val <3